CK's Dream Team (And a Psychoanalysis of 'Yours Truly' by Ray Mescallado)

I am guessing Sigmund Freud might have something to say about this too...

Everyone has their favorite idols.  I certainly do.  And I adore the girls I choose to fanboy over.  Whenever I see a J-pop concert live, be it Morning Musume, AKB48 or any of my other fave acts, there is always one particular girl that I seem to fixate on.  And that's the way it should be.  At least that is what the Japanese fans tell me.  You need to pick an idol and support her 100%.  

There is a little joke that has gone around the idol chatrooms regarding my idols of choice.  Believe me, it has never been lost on me that my girls all seem to share a similar persona.  I have even hinted about it on my many blogs.  But the way I see it, all idols need love.  And that can especially be said about my little "Dream Team".  Apparently I have an "eye" for a certain kind of personality.  It is probably the same quality I subliminally look for in my girlfriends.  That is the little joke going around wotachat.  It makes me wonder...

What would a group comprised of all of my favorite idols be like?  With that spirit in mind here is my dream lineup, comprised of my #1 favorite member from each of my favorite idol groups, and probably a good look into my own psyche.

In fact, that is a great idea!  Since my good friend Ray Mescallado, founder of Cult of Pop, American Wota and International Wota has tirelessly poked fun at me for my choice of idol, why not have him analyze me?  Let's see what he really thinks about my idol fandom.  This should be right up his alley.  That is coming up at the end of the post.  But first I present...
 

Meetan is my obvious choice for leader since I am head over heels in love with her,  and she actually knows who I am IRL!  Meetan came to my attention at the first idol concert I ever went to, AKB48 live at Shibuya AX in 2008.  When Ohori ripped her clothes off in the middle of "Blue Rose" I was completely captivated.  Couple that with her well-known sweet persona...all of her groupmates adore her and think of her as a team mom.  Ohori loves to get naked, or at least close to it.  She has done that multiple times on AKB48's television program, as well as in her pre-AKB gravure career.  She shamelessly oozes sex all of the time and loves the attention it affords her, although in person she sometimes comes off as quite shy.  It makes her unique as an idol and our perfect group leader.
 

When I first started liking SNSD I couldn't settle on a favorite since they mesh very well as a group.  But then I started reading a little more about them, and TaeYeon immediately rose from the proverbial pack.  It's no accident that she always tops the lists of K-pop stars that the fans want to marry, date etc.  She is smokin hawt!  Now add the "foot in mouth" factor.  TaeYeon has an affinity for getting herself into hot water by saying stupid crap.  Let's see...she once outraged the nurses of the world by collectively chastising them when she couldn't get immediate treatment at a local hospital.  And for her encore, who could forget her "Alicia Keys is pretty for a black girl" moment?  One prerequisite for my dream team is the possibility of controversy at any given time.  With TaeYeon as our co-spokesperson, we have that covered.

Tanaka is the perfect H!P girl.  She is amazingly cute, but all the while gives off a very sexy aura.  She is a master at playing both personas at the same time.  She is H!P's queen of fashion, and also puts out some of the sexiest photobooks, which she has been doing consistently since she was 15.  Along with our other co-front girl, she is also very playful.  Reina will play with the audience, she will toy with her bandmates, treating us to plenty of sexy winking and peace signs.  That is her trademark "come-hither!"  Although some people feel it gives off a "loose" quality.  The streetwalker scene in the Resonant Blue PV didn't help either.  But it's the wink that made me fall in love with her the first time I watched the closeup PV of "Chokkan 2"  Reina loves to be the center of attention.  Like Tsunku, I will be happy to give her the lionshare of the solo lines.  

My first ever favorite idol.  I discovered her amidst her infamous smoking controversy, and it was all downhill from there.  Even at age twelve Kago had a bit of a rebellious streak to her, and she has always been mischevious.  But as she has grown into an adult her mischief has turned into a series of national controversies.  She seems to have an affection for older guys, and like our leader she aspires to do more gravure.  Kago has no trouble getting (almost) naked in front of the camera.  But aside from all of that, she is a great singer and performer.  Her angelic voice will keep the CD's selling while the most hardcore Wota continue to dream of "something more".  Kago's antics along with her newfound appreciation for all of her fans makes every Wota think they might have a shot!

If you take a good look at Idoling!!! there is one member who always stands out from the rest, and that is Yazawa.  It is for good reason too, as there are very few pop-idols built like her.  That is all the more surprising considering how petite she is.  At 16, and before Erika was ever a singer she was doing gravure.  BTW, gravure experience is always a plus when I check through an idol resume (hehe!)  She is by far the most playful girl in her group.  If you ever watch an episode of Idoling!!! you will always find her causing trouble and mixing it up.  She also happens to have an angelic face.  Yazawa exists within our group to be the ultimate eyecandy, along with her partner in crime...
 

ZOMG!!!  Transforming from J-cup gravure idol Harada Ourei to "slightly less busty singing idol" Maeda Eiko...The powers that be over at AKS must have been laughing their asses off when they decided to hire this girl to be in SKE48 Team KII.  They made an age exception to hire her as well, so what does that tell you?  I have no idea what kind of singer or dancer she is.  But look at her....just look at her.  I will forgive her for committing the ultimate crime (removing her implants).  The moment I heard she was one of SKE48's newest members, I knew she would be my favorite.  I am sort of going on faith with Eiko.  But judging by her past she is a good bet.  I just hope she doesn't give Erika a complex, or any of the other girls for that matter.  Heaven knows they don't need any more insecurities!
 

Our last member is more of a "Dream Team" idol in training.  She just turned 17, so I figure in a year she will be ready for the "Big Show".  I have always adored Maasa.  At first it was because she has the most adorable face and cutest cheeks.  But what really got me was the way she acted during the release of her first photobook.  It was the first time I had seen an idol act "insecure" in public.  During one particular promotion Momo and Chinami were ogling her book.  Maasa was so antsy, you could tell she really wanted them to like it, but wasn't sure they would.  I am positive the rest of our members share a similar insecurity, but usually do a better job of hiding it.  But that is what makes "Awesome Maasa" the perfect trainee.  Her need for approval is evident, and she is probably willing to do whatever it takes to make it as an idol.  It is that quality that makes me want to root for her.  Oh, and she's a great actress!

BTW, I am not joking.  If you have read this blog for the past 2 years you'll know that those ARE really my favorite idols.  Oh, and the Dream Team is looking for a good group name.  Some suggested names include "JAV48", "ATM48", "The Reverse Cowgirls"...Any other suggestions?

The AKB48 Theater will soon be presenting a new show called SDN48, which is being touted as an adult-oriented idol show.  Needless to say I am looking forward to the debut, as the dream team would fit that bill perfectly.  When I look at my favorite idol collective I have to laugh, but I am proud that these are my favorite girls.  And I will unconditionally support them despite whatever scandal might befall them in the future.

The "real point of this article is what does this say about me as an idol fan?  As I said earlier I have asked Ray for his "expert" opinion. 

Oh Ray...

For CK...

CK thinks I've been teasing him for his ability to single out - and champion - the most emotionally vulnerable member of an idol group. In actuality, I am in awe of this incredible gift he possesses.

Spider-Man has his spider-senses which tingle when trouble is imminent. In Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, Humbert Humbert writes of how the true nymphophile is able to pick out the true nymphette in a group of girls, and not just the one adults find the prettiest. There is gaydar, which is when one is able to tell who is homosexual and who is not. 

CK's gift falls along these lines, and should have a name of its own. I'm going to go with "preydar". (As opposed to praydar, which is in the urban dictionary as the ability to detect Bible thumpers.)
 
What does it say about CK that he possesses such gifts? Should we chase after him with pitchforks and rakes and declare him a foul creature of the night? Should we tie CK to a stake and beat him mercilessly in the groinal area until he moans for mercy, sweet sweet mercy, while we all stand and laugh and pass around the tire irons and lead pipes and vibrating plastic phallic toys?

Well, sure. For sport. But before we do that, we should also praise him for his unique generosity of spirit.

Look at it this way: when you boil her down to her core - metaphorically, that is, as opposed to disposing of a body with industrial-strength acid - a pop idol is nothing more than a young person wanting to be loved by as many strangers as possible. An idol wants to be worshiped, and on the flimsiest basis possible: the ability to look cute, the ability to sing half-decently, the ability to dance with a modicum of skill. In short, the pop idol wants to be loved for being charming, really, and little else.

But what if you're part of a pack of idols? And what if there are more charming girls in the pack, leaving you the runt of the litter? Or what if you're doing well enough as an idol but really really want more attention because you're a filthy attention whore who can't stop winking at the audience? Or what if you started at the top of the idol heap, only to plummet to the very dregs for placing certain objects in one's mouth and being caught by the tabloids for doing so?

Is it fair, then, to go ignored by the general wota crowd, who pine for the Nacchis and Acchans and Yuris of the idol world? Is it fair to be deemed "damaged goods" or lacking in idol skillz because you're at the bottom of the totem pole of idol hawtness and desirability?

Of course not! When placed in that position, a true idol - in spirit, if not in popularity - will over-extend herself in order to get noticed. She can allow herself to get slapped around (or at least pummeled by a dodgeball) and treated like a worthless bitch by the hosts of Utaban. She can die her hair a frightening blonde and cut it fugly short. She can offer to hug people who'll buy her solo recording - and in doing so, distill the whole idol-wota relationship to its purest, most creepy form yet. She can keep winking at the audience until people start wondering if she's a neurologically damaged cousin of Frankenhooker. She can get breast implants that make each boob the same size as her head. She can pose as a worthless whore in a poorly-lit poorly-shot poorly-posed photobook and hope nobody mistakes her as a real whore in the process.

What CK does is respect the effort of these poor, misbegotten creatures, these idols seeking attention and feeling they haven't gotten their fair share yet. CK is motivated, not just by a willingness to root for these girls, but to encourage these girls to continue doing what they do to try to earn extra attention. The triumph of the idol will in his selected dream team is stirring in that it crosses all hurdles of common sense and self-awareness in favor of blind adulation and the encouragement of predatory impulses.

One could even say that CK is willing to over-extend himself - or at least a part of his anatomy - for the sake of such idols, knowing full well that these idols would probably be more willing to accept this over-extensions than somebody with, you know, dignity and a conscience.

Oh, if only more of us were as strongly gifted with preydar as CK is. In such a world, the relationship between idol and wota would deepen - by inches upon inches - as the most desperate of idols will at least feel loved in the Sally Fields-ian sense of wonderment. They would show their appreciation with an intimacy and flagrancy that the current top idols would never dare attempt, and wota-dom would be richer for it.